Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Glee therapy

This is going to sound ridiculous... i know... I'm sort of silly and childish and idealistic and romantic. And this post is getting ready to prove it. This post is partially an attempt of me explaining that in the last two weeks or so I have decided to just accept and actually enjoy these parts of my personality.

For random reasons, and lots and lots of Glee episodes, I've found this strange empowerment and self acceptance. Sure there are plenty of things that I don't like about myself, but I'm realizing that a good number of them are really based on feeling like I am not good enough. Mostly due to not feeling like other people like me. You know, when someone who shouldn't, says something attacking or just mean. And perhaps hides it in a pseudo compliment.
Um, I'm done letting my feelings get hurt.

When you say something mean it is really more about your insecurity than it is about me.

Last night I watched the Madonna episode and the Beautiful episode and I was tearing up. Seriously? Ridiculous, I know. But I had a couple major big epiphanies about my goofiness and my breast size. You know what? I really do like myself. (I still hate my giant thighs.) But the other ridiculous qualities are all just me. I'm 34 and this is me. If I only feel the need to prove myself to myself (and my beautiful children) then I'm suddenly free to be happy. And I am happy! I'm getting paid (occasionally) to create art. I'm learning how to play the guitar. I spend my whole day with the cutest kids ever. I'm fit and healthy and loving. I finally think I get it! I get it!!!! I will thus forth quit begging for your approval and love.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Adjust Your Sails

This morning my thoughts are on the ocean somewhere. SAILING.
I am the boat. The breeze, which is relatively strong today, is blowing me where it wants me to go.
I am the boat. I have no control of the wind. Its shifty nature. It's howling at times and blowing and lifting me right in the exact direction I wish to go. Then it suddenly changes and makes it very hard or impossible to maintain my heading.
I am the boat. I have a few passengers to carry safety along this journey. I hope that the direction I choose is the right direction for my passengers too.
I am the boat. Heading straight into the wind is impossible. There is no way to capture the wind and power my sails. I must adjust and sail slightly off course for a while and then tack again.
I am the boat. I cannot change wind. I cannot influence the wind. I cannot control the wind.
I am the boat. I can adjust my sails. I can change my course. I can embrace the way the wind blows me. I can keep safe my passengers. I can teach them how to feel the sun and breeze and ocean spray as we sail. I can teach them to hear the water and sing with the sea birds and look for ocean creatures. I can help them paint the colors of the sunrises and sunsets. I can anchor in safe harbors, now and again, and play with them in the sand.
I am the boat. I can smile, laugh, and enjoy the sail.
I am the boat.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

E chords

I started 2011 on January 12th. I've been very successful in sticking to my new years resolutions for the last 4 days. :) I ran 6ish miles today. On the treadmill, at a snail's pace, but I did it. I was glad to be done, but I wasn't even close to max exhaustion. Maybe a 7 out of 10. Good news! Perhaps I won't have to walk at all in February at the 1/4 marathon Angela talked me into. But I do like running inside where it is warm. Plus watching old episodes of GLEE (perfect running program btw). And Tulsa will be cold in Feb. Gulp!

I also dusted (literally) my guitar off this morning. And with the help of Garage Band I got it tuned and even practiced a basic E chord and strumming. It is really fun and addictive. Even though my fingertips hurt so bad. I just keep stealing away 5-10 minutes to practice some more. I really really want to stick with it. So do me a favor and ask me frequently how it's going.

In the last couple days, I've also reminded myself that it isn't always about me. So if someone I love dearly is grumpy, it doesn't mean you did something wrong. Let it go! I have a tendency to want to please people. This doesn't always work and can definitely put a damper on my joy. So I'm learning again (always) to just be happy, loving, and supportive. If someone is having a bad day or month, don't absorb it for yourself. Let your joy spread!

Today I feel joyful!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

2011 Resolutions- Revised Edition

I've had a little change of heart. Still Random order.
1. Just be myself, goofy, light hearted, artistic, slightly disorganized, etc.
2. Become a better artist. Website not necessary. It kills my joy.
3. Learn to play guitar. My children can learn Spanish later.
4. Run. Run. Run.
5. Become a confident sailor.
6. Let my natural joy dictate my parenting while reading Parenting with Real Love.
7. Be confident.
8. Love freely.
10. Be sassy!!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

2011 Resolutions

Here is my list. Blah Blah Blah. Random Order

1. New Website for my artwork
2. Illustrate the stories I've written or have been given to me by others
3. Submit, submit, submit my stuff to publishing companies
4. Become a Runner again. Good Grief!
5. Become a more confident sailor.
6. Learn Spanish with my children. Rosetta Stone
7. Parent with Real Love

Monday, January 3, 2011

Happy 2011

Nathan with the "book of money" as he called it. $10 from Grandma Rowena.
Zachary the morning after his first stitches.
Totally zonked on Ketamine shot. See the 3 outside stitches? 1 on the inside as well
Picture I sent to Eric via text to find out if we should head to ER.
My boys with their Great Grandma Rowena.
Zachary hamming it up.
4 generations of Stoners

The year ended with a surprise trip to the ER. I'm thinking 2011 will be memorable. I will get all resolution deep on another blog post.