Time

I'm reading this book called, "Curve of Time."  A true story of a single mother who spends the summers on a boat with her five children.  It is one adventure after another.  Anyway, I like the way she talks about time, Standing in the Present, on the highest point of the curve, you can look back and see the Past, or forward and see the future, all in the same instant.  Or, if you stand off to one side of this curve, your eye wanders from one to the other without any distinction.  I've been thinking a lot about time.  Wishing I could somehow capture it or go back and make little changes to it.  

Nathan and Zachary are simply perfect right now and time is ticking away.  Everyday they are one step closer to not being little anymore.  If only I could capture right now in a bottle and save it for as long as a wanted. 

 I can also look on my past with clear eyes now.  I can clearly see the mistakes I made and why I made them and the damage they caused.  If only, I could go back and whisper in the ear of my younger self.  

The future is a mystery.  If I could just stand on the highest point and see glimpses of it, it might be reassuring or perhaps it would be terrifying.  It takes loads of courage to begin each new day, to take a risk and make a connection with someone or to give a piece of yourself to someone.  It takes courage each day to think about all the trials my boys will face in the future.

 Time is so elusive and expansive.  Elusive because I have no control over it and expansive because the more time I spend here the more lives I'm involved in and more uncertain and powerful the future becomes.