Brenda

I have recently reconnected with an old friend from middle and high school.  Unfortunately, it began as an email from Sara about the sudden, tragic death of her husband. Brenda was 8 months pregnant at the time.  The accident happened less than 1 year ago, but she has a beautiful outlook on life.  She is the proud mommy of 3 beautiful boys and she is thriving!  Here is a link to a recent, uplifting blog entry.  

Father's Day 2009

My goal for Father's Day was to make Eric feel like the most loved and special daddy ever.  Nathan and I picked out the best card that played a sweet little song and allowed Nathan to record a message.  He said, "I love you to the moon and back and back and back and back and ..."  About 20 backs.  We picked out a couple children's books about Daddy and Son.  We also picked out a picture frame for a sweet picture of Eric and his boys.  On father's day, Eric got to  sleep in.  Then I mowed the lawn while he watched SpongeBob with Nathan.  We went to get some lunch, went to the pool after naps, and finally cooked out for dinner.  I made my specially requested chimichurri sauce.  It was a great day and Eric said he felt very special.  

Ahoy Matey!

Nathan turned 4 on Saturday.  We had a big pirate party in the backyard.  I truly hope he made lots of happy memories.  His birthday wish when he blew out the candles was, "I wish we could all be friends forever." So sweet!  He has come along way, baby!   

Alia

A couple of weeks ago I went home to go to my niece Alia's high school graduation.  Amazing!  I was surprisingly touched while I was sitting there in the stands trying to find her in the group of 1000 kids.  

I have always thought that Alia and I were kindred spirits.  When she was younger I felt really close to her.  I think we share a certain something that I am finding difficult to describe in words now.  Anyway, she has hit a few rough patches along the way, but now she is getting ready for the next chapter in her life.  She will be attending OU in the fall and has already been accepted to the art school.  I'm so jealous!  We are going home this weekend to celebrate her accomplishment and share in her optimism for the future.  

Congratulations class of 2009!

Time

I'm reading this book called, "Curve of Time."  A true story of a single mother who spends the summers on a boat with her five children.  It is one adventure after another.  Anyway, I like the way she talks about time, Standing in the Present, on the highest point of the curve, you can look back and see the Past, or forward and see the future, all in the same instant.  Or, if you stand off to one side of this curve, your eye wanders from one to the other without any distinction.  I've been thinking a lot about time.  Wishing I could somehow capture it or go back and make little changes to it.  

Nathan and Zachary are simply perfect right now and time is ticking away.  Everyday they are one step closer to not being little anymore.  If only I could capture right now in a bottle and save it for as long as a wanted. 

 I can also look on my past with clear eyes now.  I can clearly see the mistakes I made and why I made them and the damage they caused.  If only, I could go back and whisper in the ear of my younger self.  

The future is a mystery.  If I could just stand on the highest point and see glimpses of it, it might be reassuring or perhaps it would be terrifying.  It takes loads of courage to begin each new day, to take a risk and make a connection with someone or to give a piece of yourself to someone.  It takes courage each day to think about all the trials my boys will face in the future.

 Time is so elusive and expansive.  Elusive because I have no control over it and expansive because the more time I spend here the more lives I'm involved in and more uncertain and powerful the future becomes.  

My Village-

I'm not sure what to call this part of the village.  So I will just see what comes.  

I'm not a religious person.  I always thought there was something off about the church that tries to scare you into believing what they believe or the aspect of religion that says there is only one truth.  I really don't think we are here on Earth to conform to some limited expectation. 

I do however believe in something bigger than me.  Something that binds us all together.  Something that we exchange with each other in some way every time we encounter one another.  Something that we exchange with nature. I do believe that there is something innately good in people and part of the exchange has to do with finding that goodness.  I'm not sure what to call  all these things that I feel are true.  I do think that religion has given examples of people in history that have understood this exchange and tried to teach the rest of us.  

Like I said, I'm not sure what to call it, but I know that when I'm outside, surrounded in silence I feel really close to it.  I guess it feels spiritual.  This last week I traveled to the Northwest region and felt closer to this energy exchange than I have ever felt.  It was almost like I could feel the pulse of the Earth and the spirit of the trees.  Maybe I could almost see the soul of the ocean as the sunlight beamed on its ripples.  

The people there must also feel closer to it because they are truly mindful of nature.  They are organic and clean and easy somehow.  I felt like I belonged.